I’ve all but given up on this blog, but I want to get back into writing again. It’s one of the few ways that I can truly express my thoughts and emotions, and even knowing this, I haven’t pursued it as much I’d like to. Maybe I’m just lazy, and writing takes work. It takes focus, and honesty, things that I need more of in my life but refuse to give any attention to. Writing exposes me and makes me feel vulnerable, but it’s such a liberating feeling that in the end builds my self-confidence and allows my bottled up emotions to be released. I’m going to allow myself to be inspired to write again, about anything that comes to mind, because I need to write. I need to share.
Standing still while the world continues to spin around me. The pressure to keep moving is pinning me against a wall that seems to only hold me back. I’ve tried and tried to understand why this wall is there, but my search for answers ends up leading me back to this place of stagnation. My intuition tells me that I am not who the world says I am, and that my life is not like anyone else’s, but I continue to look at the mirrors that society holds up, watching my life through the filters of a dysfunctional world. Why do I struggle with this image of myself, not completely understanding who I am or what my place is in the world? I do my best to be grateful for the blessings in my life, but there’s a constant yearning for something deeper, more meaningful. I express disgust for the superficial culture that I live in, but is it I who am putting on the front? To hold myself back from being my true self, I’m also partaking of this false image that I witness everyday. I pray everyday for the power to be myself and grow into the person I truly, in my heart, know I want to be, and I know that this power lies within waiting for me to tap in.
I performed a reading this morning with my Anubis Oracle deck, and I pulled the card of the water elemental represented by the Nile. I then began to see this blockage in myself as if a dam was built within the sacred river, cutting me off from the precious qualities of water. Water cleanses and clears away, it provides nutrients for life to flourish, and it heals the spirit. My hurts from the past and the persistent negative feelings I feel have created this dam and if I don’t break it down I can only expect death and decay to continue. I’ve prayed that the cleansing waters of the Nile clear away the old and make way for the new season of growth that I need. It’s time for the dam to be destroyed and let the sacred waters flow freely in my life.