Quest for Knowledge

          I’ve been thinking a lot lately; and I mean A LOT. There’s been many times even at work where I begin to zone out and get completely lost in my head. I’ve become so preoccupied with  ideas about spirituality, philosophy, psychology, mythology, magick, religion, blah, blah, blah.. it goes on and on. At times I feel like the knowledge of the world is weighing on my shoulders and there’s no way for me to take it all in and make sense of it all. This can’t be healthy, well, in a normal sense. But as I currently read through Carl Jung’s work, or any other books I’ve read, and I begin to make connections between all these different areas of life, I can’t help but feel this sense of adventure that I must keep digging deeper to find out more. It’s a never ending passion that continues to grow exponentially every time I finish a new book, or discover a new connection that I want to further explore. I’m trying not to get lost out there, but how can you not?

          I’m at the point of realization that we as humans are so small in this vast universe, and even on a smaller scale, here on Earth. I look at all the great pioneers of the past who have left their mark on the minds of those who sought out true knowledge; Crowley, Jung, Nietzsche, Campbell, Hall, Bardon, just to name a few. I feel like I owe them so much, even just for having the courage to seek beyond what was common and acceptable, as they have paved the way for us to study their work and explore even beyond what has been written in books. They have put into words the unspeakable, and I mean that literally. I have almost given up on attempting to share anything I learn with others, because there’s just no way to put into words what can only be known in the soul. I only wish I had other’s of like mind to be able to discuss what I learn with, and that’s why I started this blog. I’m not the best at articulating words and making it clear what I’m trying to get across, but I can only practice to get better.

          As I continue to read and explore, I will continue to post things that I learn and hopefully find others out there to connect with. Even as big as the Earth is, we’ve definitely made it into a really small place through the internet. Anyways, I’ll end this for now before I ramble on, but if there’s anyone else out there with similar thoughts and experiences, you’re definitely not alone.

Initiation

And it begins, another year, another set of goals and resolutions, another chance to look back and be happy that it’s all behind me. Mistakes, failures, things I shouldn’t have said, things I should’ve said but didn’t. The New Year always seems to be such a drastic turning point for everyone, but other than a single digit changing in the date, what is it really than just another day? I refuse to make resolutions. It’s a nice idea and all, but pretty silly in my book. Within the last 6 months I began to make some discoveries within myself that pointed to 2013 as an important year for me, but I’m not entirely sure what to expect. My 24th birthday is coming up in a few months, and there have been many signs pointing to this occasion as a very significant event for me personally. Not too long ago I was receiving strong messages concerning initiation, but I don’t know how to react to these messages. I have spent a lot of time listening for answers and trying to be open to some clarification, but haven’t received anything. Initiation can mean a multitude of things, so how do I know what to prepare for or if I should be preparing at all? The number 24 has been a special number for as long as I can remember. I don’t know why, I just know it’s appeared to me many times throughout my life, and has been a very lucky number on occasion.

This year I want to focus on building a strong spiritual foundation for myself. I’ve spent the last year reading, reading, reading, but most of what I’ve acquired seems to be swirling around in my mind like a filing cabinet dumped in front of a box fan. I don’t feel at all organized in my studies and practice, and that seems to be hindering me from truly standing on a firm foundation. I’ve gone from book to book reading about daily practices and hoping to find one that would work well for me, but I’ve come to the conclusion that nobody else’s practice is going to fulfill the need for my own. I’ve considered not even having a set practice and just going with the flow, which hasn’t worked out too well either. I can never find the happy medium between feeling too spiritual and disconnected to the mundane, and being too material but lacking spiritually. My only resolve seems to return to the basics, possibly reread a lot of what I’ve researched, and start small. My ego screams in protest, but deep down I know that my inability to be a “beginner” at anything caused me to rush into my studies with full force, cramming every piece of knowledge into my mind just so I could be “in the know.” So I guess that’s where I stand at the start of this new year, I need to know nothing. Initiation is about breaking down the flimsy tower I have built just to say “I did it,” and allowing myself to gather the resources provided to build a fortress. Nothing is built during an initiation, only torn down. I’ve had it wrong all along. This is going to be my year of foundations, and a proper gathering of all that I need to build. Human hands could not build the tower that reached Heaven, but I’m sure with some help from the Divine I can get pretty close.

Disconnected

I hate days when I wake up with all intentions to have a great day, then I sit down in front of my altar only to find I’m all alone. I can’t understand my Tarot cards, my mind becomes so scattered I can’t even meditate, and I reach out to the gods only to find that nobody is answering. What do you do in those moments? I’ve grown up enough to know that it’s not that my cards are “broken” or the gods have turned there backs on me, it’s just their way of waking me up a bit. I get so comfortable in my everyday life, and I’m so blessed, but comfort can be such a dangerous thing when living a magickal life. Comfort makes us vulnerable, relaxed, and we definitely let our guard down. No, I’m not saying we don’t need to relax every so often, I’ll be the first to say I love just chilling out, but I should be grateful to know the universe keeps me in check and lets me know when its time to get back to business. So instead of getting down on myself for feeling disconnected, I can be reassured that I’m doing something right, and the gods are making sure I continue to grow.

Why labels?

In trying to decide what to write about, I’ve decided to bring up the topic that usually comes up first in most pagan conversations.. labels. “What path do you follow?” “What do you call yourself?”  “Oh, so you’re Wiccan. Are you Gardnerian or Eclectic?” “Do you use black or white magick?” Huh??

These questions are a very small sample of the ones many of us get bombarded with when meeting new pagans, or just sharing our beliefs with those that are curious. I can honestly say that this issue of choosing labels has been the most daunting task since I first considered myself “pagan,” and have since decided it is completely irrelevant to my personal spirituality. So why bring up the topic? When I first chose to begin exploring the world of spirituality, the occult, and paganism as a whole, I was overwhelmed with the amount of religions, traditions, paths, orders, covens, practices, etc. How does one decide where they fit in and what direction to take? In many of the books that I started out reading (mainly on Wicca), the authors would say something along the lines of “what works for someone else may not work for you, so do what works for you.” Hmm, so where does this leave those of us who are trying to find a path to follow, and then upon deciding, the leaders within that path offer no guidance. This led me to much frustration and confusion when I first started out. It took some time before I realized the only true guidance would come from within. Labels are never going away, and I’m not saying that they can’t be used to identify ourselves, but the moment we decide to slap a label on a part of us, we immediately begin to feel bound to everything attributed to that label. Spirituality is something that should be free to roam and explore this vast and beautiful universe that we’re a part of. I guess my whole point is it’s fine to call yourself Wiccan, Pagan, Druid, Magician, etc., but we shouldn’t be so concerned with what we’re called, but instead what we actually are deep inside. Every human on this Earth is completely different and separate from each other, so there’s no way we fit into any one box that a label tries to put us in.